Uploads by askvictoria

Vulnerablity as a Fundamental Way to Bridge Communication and Intimacy in Couples

askvictoria — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 21:28:08 +0000

	Vulnerablity as a Fundamental Way to Bridge Communication and Intimacy in Couples When couples communicate and are unaware that they are coming from a place of armoured defensiveness there is a large chance the couple will drive the resentments in further. The way out is to focus inward and find out what is actually happening underneath all the armour. There is usually a vulnerability that is being protected like hurt. When one comes from the vulnerable place one is more likely to be heard and taken in. It is a bridging opportunity for the couple.	From: askvictoria Views: 352 6 ratings
	Time: 04:18	More in Education

Technique for Couples Communication: Initiate and Reflect (Mirroring)

askvictoria — Sat, 10 Mar 2012 20:10:47 +0000

	Technique for Couples Communication: Initiate and Reflect (Mirroring) Couples grow into resentment the more they do not navigate conflict consciously. Here is a technique to work with when triggered as an alternative to fighting. Initiate and Reflect is a tool to bring on the empathy and feeling heard... it is a "Mirroring" technique.... which is such a healing experience. Creating safety is paramount to making one's love relationship a sanctuary where one feels able to be authentic. Also if there are children in the family, it helps to alleviate toxic tension that is so damaging to the emotional development of the child.	From: askvictoria Views: 374 9 ratings
	Time: 08:34	More in Education

Help! I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)!

askvictoria — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 19:24:58 +0000

	Help! I think I may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)! D writes in that he is very concerned he may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because he just can't find any happiness when he is engaged in things that do not have to do with him. He becomes surly and unable to participate if the activity is not about him. Yet he wants to be a better husband, dad and son. He wants to be less selfish and more open to others needs. This in and of itself is a very good sign! It means there may be something else going on as opposed to NPD...	From: askvictoria Views: 1162 19 ratings
	Time: 05:16	More in Education

Parental Alienation: Devastating Consequences!

askvictoria — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 16:52:48 +0000

	Parental Alienation: Devastating Consequences! N writes in about his "Malicious Mother" who alienated him from his father for 25 years. He is now in the process of reconnecting with this part of his family that he was deprived of. His mother now has amputated him, heartlessly! This tactic to seek revenge on the other parent is so toxic and so manipulative and has devastating far reaching consequences. It is not to be used unless there is physical proof of abuse. In this case there was no abuse and so the blow was all the more horrifying for N.	From: askvictoria Views: 1893 21 ratings
	Time: 05:21	More in Education

Borderline Personality: Boundaries and Stop Enabling!

askvictoria — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:31:42 +0000

	Borderline Personality: Boundaries and Stop Enabling! L is engaged to a man who has a previous family. He does not set boundaries and he is passive when it comes to dealing with his hurricane borderline personality adult daughter. She is in danger of completely being a door mat with this new family. Self analysis is needed to find out why she is putting herself in this situation and allowing all this boundary breaking. Also l needs to get clear on what she wants, needs and what her limitations are with respect to this new family she is enmeshed with.	From: askvictoria Views: 1359 8 ratings
	Time: 08:38	More in Education

Mental Illness: Healing The Stigma

askvictoria — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 17:07:42 +0000

	Mental Illness: Healing The Stigma With mental illness, the pain of feeling mocked, gossiped about or ashamed is so difficult and isolating. They feel often they need to hide or lie in order to mitigate the feelings of being ostracized. The reality is that there is still a stigma attached to mental illness though society. The community, the country and the planet at large need to to have the same sense of compassion for those with mental illnesses as they do for those with a physical illness like cancer. It is time to stop hiding and it is time to bring it out into the open so that true healing on a larger scale can occur.	From: askvictoria Views: 826 11 ratings
	Time: 04:45	More in Education

Breaking the Cycle of Dysfunction: The Buck Stops Here!

askvictoria — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 20:58:52 +0000

	Breaking the Cycle of Dysfunction: The Buck Stops Here! Multi-generational dysfunction is pervasive. People are doing to their kids what was done to them largely because they are totally unaware and mired in their own rage and shame. The lack of recognizing this is what make the repetition occur over and over. With each generation the abuse becomes more ingrained and more destructive. People need to commit to some sort of consciousness raising experience like therapy in order to move beyond the nightmare of dysfunction.	From: askvictoria Views: 1130 25 ratings
	Time: 04:21	More in Education

Are You Overly Involved In Your Adult Child's Life?

askvictoria — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 16:50:33 +0000

	Are You Overly Involved In Your Adult Child's Life? Parents of adult children so often have a hard time letting go. Their expectations are dashed and they feel that they need to get in there and either save their adult kid or control the choices they make. The reality is that all this worry and control is making the parent lose site of their own life that they need to take care of.	From: askvictoria Views: 1223 17 ratings
	Time: 04:34	More in Education

The Codependent Life and Relationship

askvictoria — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 21:55:13 +0000

	The Codependent Life and Relationship The over enmeshed relationship is often glorified in the media however it comes from a very unhealthy place. The over apologizing, low self esteem codependent finds themselves in unhealthy relationships for too long but unable to free themselves due to being extremely unfamiliar with who they really are. Profound lack of boundaries are rampant in a codependent relationship. Self care as opposed to over preoccupation with the other person's needs is the way out. The fear of rejection needs to stop driving the person. Freedom is the goal as one heals from codependency..	From: askvictoria Views: 4102 37 ratings
	Time: 05:41	More in Education

Moving Beyond Depression When you Feel Victimized By Family

askvictoria — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 05:39:51 +0000

	Moving Beyond Depression When you Feel Victimized By Family This viewer feels completely rejected by her family and feels powerless in the face of the conflicts she faces with her mother. She seems depressed and I wanted to reach out to her and let her know she is not alone.	From: askvictoria Views: 1932 22 ratings
	Time: 06:55	More in Education

Tearing Down the Wall of Emotional Over Protection

askvictoria — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 02:38:54 +0000

	Tearing Down the Wall of Emotional Over Protection T has learned early on to mute her feelings due to experiences that have disappointed her, scared her or let her down. She has created a wall of over protection that has left her feeling flat about everything in her life. Now she is not a happy person and wants to experience the joys and passions of life but she is scared. The strengthening of her inner core and her self esteem through meditation, therapy and journalling are paramount to navigating life's risks and relationships. That is a life fully lived.	From: askvictoria Views: 1068 18 ratings
	Time: 04:51	More in Education

September: Tools for Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Depression

askvictoria — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 19:13:02 +0000

	September: Tools for Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Depression September brings on for many Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Depression. The newness, the challenges, the weather change and the seeming dying of nature can be real triggers for the brain to go into less than joyous states of being. Using natural supplementation, meditation, mind discipline and cognitive behaviour exercises all can really assist a person toward having a great fall and winter season.	From: askvictoria Views: 1920 27 ratings
	Time: 07:06	More in Education

Commitment Phobia: The Source and The Way Out

askvictoria — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 21:18:52 +0000

	Commitment Phobia: The Source and The Way Out Commitment phobia is a very painful experience both for the one that has the pattern and for those who are involved with that person. Usually the art of pushing and pulling and seduction are the domain of the commitment "phobe." The need to connect deeply with one's chaotic family of origin survival patterns are often the source and an area that needs to be explored for those with this pattern.	From: askvictoria Views: 3883 46 ratings
	Time: 09:06	More in Education

The Secret to A Successful Long Term Marriage

askvictoria — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 17:11:56 +0000

	The Secret to A Successful Long Term Marriage Small opportunities of noticing your partner in empathetic ways can be a powerful healer and maintainer of a marriage that has become boring. Get in the moment and notice the person that he or she is. Listen to them. Pay attention. These small logical items can save a marriage. Touch each other often. Kiss, hug and compliment one another.	From: askvictoria Views: 1353 13 ratings
	Time: 05:26	More in Education

My Response to Video: Is Depression An Addiction?

askvictoria — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 20:59:15 +0000

	My Response to Video: Is Depression An Addiction? Gilles asks me to comment on his video about depression being an addiction. I think that is too simplistic a term for such a complex issue. There are aspects of addiction when one is talking about long term depression in that one can enter into a major habituation of behaviours when one has been depressed for years. Also the brain does change when depression is untreated. But to simply call it an addiction is not at all accurate.	From: askvictoria Views: 760 11 ratings
	Time: 05:41	More in Education

Letter from Grace re Indecision and Loneliness

askvictoria — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:15:58 +0000

	Letter from Grace re Indecision and Loneliness Grace is locked and paralyzed in indecision an isolation as she lives this wonderful life that she cannon take in. Her depressive perspective prevents her from seeing what is truly around her. Getting her brain chemistry on line will help but active gratitude and calming of the mind through mindfulness based meditation may help..	From: askvictoria Views: 1018 16 ratings
	Time: 06:35	More in Education

Amazing Step Mom letter: Coping with NPD/BPD in the family

askvictoria — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:31:08 +0000

	Amazing Step Mom letter: Coping with NPD/BPD in the family K has taken on her two step kids with such courage and such compassion for the fact that the girl's mom is NPD/BPD. She patiently works with them in ways that foster unconditional love as well nurturing and healing. This brave step mom is to be admired. There are lessons here for all as well.	From: askvictoria Views: 2846 13 ratings
	Time: 08:03	More in Education

Your Money Issues Are Your Life Issues

askvictoria — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:37:51 +0000

	Your Money Issues Are Your Life Issues How we do some things is how we do everything! Similarly, the state of your money has a direct impact on your life. The amount of debt in your life I feel is commensurate with your self esteem. So if you have allot of bad debt (that is debt on your credit card versus a mortgage for instance) your self value is probably lacking	From: askvictoria Views: 1015 22 ratings
	Time: 03:55	More in Education

Are You Enabling the Addict In Your Life?

askvictoria — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:27:10 +0000

	Are You Enabling the Addict In Your Life? It is very difficult to maintain a healthy sense of self when one is in an intimate relationship with an addict. One needs to surround one self with like minded individuals like from Al Anon in order to create the strength needed to maintain boundaries. Can't do it alone.	From: askvictoria Views: 2036 25 ratings
	Time: 03:38	More in Education

Are You Behaving Like a Hostage?

askvictoria — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:29:01 +0000

	Are You Behaving Like a Hostage? Relationships without good and clear boundaries create resentful people. If the self esteem is lacking then the bid for love and non abandonment can become a hostage like atmosphere.	From: askvictoria Views: 1582 26 ratings
	Time: 03:26	More in Education

Manage Your Holiday Expectations

askvictoria — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:43:23 +0000

	Manage Your Holiday Expectations Click here for my double meditation album on iTunes: bit.ly Having expectations around the holiday season can be a trigger for anxiety and a feeling of unease. If you keep your expectations low so will your disappointment. Have a backup plan if things are not going well. Self care is crucial at this sometimes very triggering time. .	From: askvictoria Views: 391 13 ratings
	Time: 05:45	More in Education

Avoidant Personality Disorder and Meditation

askvictoria — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:12:57 +0000

	Avoidant Personality Disorder and Meditation Avoidant Personality Disorder is a very painful and isolating state of being that goes to the extreme for the person. Extreme avoidance of any contact with people. Very sensitive to criticism and overly preoccupied with ones own flaws in a magnified way. Meditation can be very helpful as well as inositol, fish oil and 5 htp as well as intensive psychotherapy.	From: askvictoria Views: 11960 110 ratings
	Time: 08:57	More in Education

Is there Hope for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

askvictoria — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:11:26 +0000

	Is there Hope for Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Click here for my double meditation album on iTunes: bit.ly Much of the information out there suggests that there is very little one can do re NPD. I am of the philosophy that with awareness, courage, willingness and discipline anything can be transformed especially if the person is so in despair about the chaos their life is in. Despair makes people teachable and that is an excellent motivator.	From: askvictoria Views: 18440 81 ratings
	Time: 05:07	More in Education

Healing the Cycle of Self Denial: Expressing Needs in a Healthy Way

askvictoria — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:34:54 +0000

	Healing the Cycle of Self Denial: Expressing Needs in a Healthy Way Click here for my double meditation album on iTunes: bit.ly cycle of self denial is a common pattern that is difficult to break. One needs to acknowledge that one has needs and express them in a fair and loving way so that the message of those needs do not get lost in the rage of having denied those needs for so long.. Others may not be able to fulfill those needs, but one does have the right to ask. This indicates a strong self esteem.	From: askvictoria Views: 1614 25 ratings
	Time: 05:18	More in Education

Viewer Question: How do I Deal With a Clingy Friend?

askvictoria — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:58:46 +0000

	Viewer Question: How do I Deal With a Clingy Friend? Click here for my double meditation album on iTunes: bit.ly viewer wrote in with a question of how to deal with a clingy friend. There are fears of being too honest and too invested in what the other person is feeling which ultimately brings on resentment and the possible end to the friendship. Being authentic and having solid boundaries are the medicine for this situatlon.	From: askvictoria Views: 1351 16 ratings
	Time: 06:07	More in Education